And now, a word from our sponsor!

                                          By Dave Hamby

      I never cease to be amazed at the creativity folks have when it comes to advertising.   I’m not talking about the clever commercials you’ll find on television during the Super Bowl or the good job the advertising department of this newspaper does. No, I’m referring to the innovative ways people are coming up with to get their message out to the public.

      Just this morning I noticed that someone had put an advertisement for an apartment on a “Road Closed” barrier.  The other day I was at a restaurant in Austin that had a menu that looks like a magazine, with advertisements stuck between the lists of entrees.

      A lot of this new innovation is nothing short of annoying.  I hate paying seven bucks to watch a movie and then have to sit through a half dozen commercials before the previews begin, which are really nothing more than commercials themselves.

      Still, you have to admire the tenacity and the determination these folks show in their efforts, despite the fact that the average American is subjected to thousands of solicitations each day.

      So what’s next?  What can we expect in the future?

      How about utilizing that vast area everyone takes a peek at that’s on the backside of that plumber who’s fixing your sink.  You know what I’m talking about, that area between the bottom of his t-shirt and the top of his pants. Imagine the next time you look at that great divide, seeing an advertisement for a paving company touting crack resistant asphalt that lasts forever. Isn’t that an image that’ll stay with you for a while?   Or how about a plug (groan) for a weight loss program if the plumber’s fat.

      What if the next time you’re eating a foot long chili cheese Coney you find a “Tums” coupon on the bottom of that little paper boat they’re served in.  Talk about targeting  an audience at their time of need.

      Coca-Cola could quit trying to muscle in on the Pepsi Generation with that stupid rap music and start giving teenage moviegoers laser pens that display the “Coke” emblem when they’re lit.  There’ll be little “Cokes” dancing all over the screen during the movie.

      Come football season the teams could lease out the space on the seat of the Center’s pants to the highest bidder. That’s where the television camera always focuses at the beginning of a play. What a great place for Beano to run an ad.

      Speeding tickets could have discount coupons for defensive driving schools on the back and ditch diggers could wear t-shirts touting some technical school.  

       Screaming children could wear jumpers advertising contraceptive devices and construction detour signs could have tags attached for a travel agency promising you a vacation in some remote area.

       Dentists could have songs singing the praises of the cavity protection a toothpaste company promises on the headphones they give you to muffle the screech of the drill and the cries of other patients.  

    Hearses could have advertisements for the health benefits of working out at the local gym.  

      Juvenile delinquents could wear sneakers that leave “Krispy Kreme” imprints to tempt the cops tracking them.  

    Columnists could insert shameless plugs for their websites in their humor columns.

     That plug would read: “For a good laugh and to read my past columns, go to www.davehamby-writer.com .”

      Of course, we’re not really that desperate to get our message out.   Are we?

This column originally appeared in the Round Rock Leader

It is available for reprint.