Flying Pigs and other unlikely occurrences.                                                                           By Dave Hamby

              When I die you can bury me under a tombstone that reads, “Here lies a man who has seen it all.”   Please disregard my earlier request that I be buried face down and all that other stuff. “Why,” do you wonder, “do I think I’ve seen it all?”   Well, I’ve seen pigs fly.   Honest! I was sober and my family was with me and they saw them fly also.

              We were in Houston, at NASA actually, to watch the hot air balloon festival.   Wells Fargo had two entries, a pink pig, and a red, white and blue pig and they flew right over our heads along with 99 other colorful and oddly shaped balloons.  I’m told these pigs were supposed to be piggy banks, but I couldn’t see the coin slot on the top and besides, any money you were to put in would just fall out of the big hole in the bottom.   We also saw a giant Uncle Sam head, a Statue of Liberty head, a monster Benny Hanna head, and the biggest mixed drink you could ever imagine.

              The balloons only flew at sunrise and sunset, during the day they had hang gliders, parasail, and numerous parachute exhibitions.  I’m guessing the reason none of the balloons flew during the day was because of the heat.  The only place I can think of that could be hotter than Houston in August would be Hell.  Since the balloons need hot air to rise  I’m thinking that nothing short of a small thermo-nuclear blast could heat the air much hotter than the ambient temperature already was.  We all know that setting off nuclear devices can be bad for the environment, as well as for those guys sitting in the basket.  

              We were there with our friends, the Frinsteins, and we all agreed that our little town needed to host an event like this.  My wife suggested that this could be done in conjunction with Frontier Days, but Judi quickly pointed out that these balloons can’t fly in inclement weather.  

         Still, this could be the kind of event that will fill up hotel rooms, cause an enormous traffic jam, trash Old Settlers Park, and give our folks something to talk about after the Express win the first half of the season, clinch a play-off spot, and quit playing baseball.   I’m here to tell you that a 101 hot air balloons flying overhead is quite a sight.

              One thing we all noticed while in Houston, and that was how civil the Houston drivers are in heavy traffic.  I’ll admit this was weekend traffic and that it’s very possible that the fangs and claws come out when they’re in their rush hour commute, but we were amazed at how easy it was to change lanes and how few expressions of hostility we witnessed.  Perhaps it’s because they’re not as dexterous as Central Texas drivers and are just unable to drive with one hand, hold a cell phone with one hand, roll down a window and make a rude gesture with one finger all at the same time.  It also could be that they’ve been congested for so long they’ve learned to accept heavy traffic and don’t get as ticked off as we do.

              During the day we went to Kemah and ran from one air-conditioned shop to the other.

            My girls bought some Hermit Crabs for pets over my wife’s objections.  She pointed out that the last Hermit Crabs we got the last time didn’t move much and smelled bad.  I think that’s because they were dead and it took us a while to accept that fact.   In fact, it was only after Nanoo picked up one of them to play with and a desiccated claw fell out of the shell that we even considered that they were doing something other than sleeping a lot.

            These new little fellas are lively and don’t smell at all.  At least not yet!  We not only bought each daughter her own cage and crab, but then the shop owner convinced us that they are social animals and we should by them each a playmate (HERMIT crabs?), then we bought them each a wardrobe of new shells so that they can change their clothing when the urge occurs.  For the same amount of money in a restaurant, we could have gotten the crabs, along with a baked potato and a nice salad on the side.  

              Now I know my believability is not at its high-water mark after having just written about flying pigs, friendly motorists, and lively crabs, but I’m hoping someone like our Mayor or City Manager is reading this column and believes me when I say a hot air balloon festival would be a lot of fun.  

                Who knows, maybe it’ll really catch on and the Leader will get it’s own balloon. Then perhaps my Editor and I will get to ride in it and wave at all of the wee folk below.

This Article originally appeared in the Round Rock Leader.