If Clint Eastwood can still play a cop, why can’t Larry be one?

                                                                                   By Dave Hamby

          “Well,” I told my wife a fewweeks ago, “Our neighbor just graduated from the Police Academy.”   

            “Oh really,” she replied, “Derrick is going to be a policeman?”

             “Not Derrick, Larry.” I shot back waiting for the look on her face that I knew would come in a second or two.  

            “I didn’t know Monica and Larry had another son named Larry. I don’t think I’ve ever met him.” she said still not quite comprehending what I was saying.  Then the look began to manifest. “You mean Larry?  He’s our age; he can’t be a rookie cop, can he?”

              The short answer to her query is “Yes he can.”  When he first told me he wanted to become a police officer I thought he was nuts, he is after all well into his forties.   In a couple of years his favorite TV show will be “Fifty Something.”  

              I started to say as much but he preempted me by saying, “Yeah, everyone thinks I’m nuts for doing this, but you know, I’ve always wanted to be a cop.”  

              To be completely truthful, I didn’t really think he’d make it.  I mean willpower and desire are one thing, forty plus year-old joints are another.  Every time I’d ask him how things were going he’d respond, “Man! These kids are about to kill me. It’s everything I can do to keep up with them.” Somehow though, he’s managed to do just that.  

             I’ve teased him about how he’d be the oldest rookie in the history of law enforcement.  I can just see him doing a traffic stop after he’s had twenty years in the force.  

            “Hello officer, why did you pull me over?”  

             “I don’t know, I forgot.”  

             Or how about having to get out of his wheelchair to kick down a door in a drug bust?  Maybe he’ll end up with a K-9 dog and he can tie its leash to his walker.

             The truth is I think he’ll be a really good cop.  His testosterone levels are down and he’s got a lot of wisdom from the many, many years of his living here. He’s lived a sober, responsible life and he’s at a point where he can afford to take a cut in pay in order to do what he’s always dreamed of doing.  While it may be true that it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, it’s also true that an old dog is less likely to bite you, especially if it’s never bit anyone in the past. If Larry were one to act on impulse, or act without thinking, I think he would have demonstrated this a long time ago.  Most likely the only nutty thing he’s done his whole life is this decision to become a cop.

               I had to go next door to shake his hand after he graduated from the Academy, but not before I got him a box of   Round Rock donuts.  He was thanking me for them and telling me how much he appreciated my thoughtfulness when I spied a large stack of Krispy-Kreme gift certificates on his end table. It seems my funny gift was not very original.

              It’s also kind of exciting to think of how it must feel to be starting over at an age when most folks are thinking of retiring.  Even though it’s more likely that you’ll see him clutching a glass of prune juice than you will a cold beer, he’s still embarking on an new life.  

             I think to celebrate his 10 th anniversary as a cop I’ll get him a box of “Depends.”

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