I’m sorry, so sorry. Please accept my apologies.

                                          By Dave Hamby  

              I think I’m quoting Brenda Lee, (or is it Patsy Cline?) when I say, “I’m sorry, so sorry, please accept my apologies.”

              I’m apologizing to all of those cat-lovers who read my column, or at least used to read my column.   I’m sorry I implied cats were stupid when I wrote, “Then my dog Emily gave me a look like I was as stupid as the cat.”  

             It was my own youngest daughter, Nanoo, that pointed out to me that if cats were so stupid, then why did I always jump up to feed our cat when he came in meowing and why did the really smart dogs have to wait till after we finish dinner and clean the kitchen before they got fed?   Hmmmm!

             I’ll admit that I’m the guy that had the license plate frame when I was younger that read, “I love cats, they taste like chicken.”   Since then I got Geppetto, our nine year old Tom, and have grown real fond of that fur-ball.  

            Thinking about it, I realize he’s never had to sit up and beg for his dinner, bark shake hands or roll over.   I know if I ever asked him to do so he’d just give me a look of disgust and go outside and urinate on the windshield of my car.

              I’m also apologizing to all of those police officers who may have been offended I wrote that I miss waving to officers I knew and having them wave back.  

             Just the other day a nice young Deputy Sheriff stepped out from behind a tree and waved at me and motioned me to pull over so that we could chat a while and so that he could get to know me a little better.   He asked to see my license and asked where I worked, wanted to know if there was some emergency or if I were perhaps a volunteer fire-fighter

              Most of all, I want to apologize to all of the Express fans, players, and members of the organization about my comment in my last column regarding how I felt the Express quit playing baseball after they clinched a play-off spot by winning the first half of the season.  

             No, I did not think they were out there playing football or field hockey, and no, I do not think I’m John Rocker.   I hope you all will forgive me and let me get my season tickets next year and still be an Express fan.

             As you may guess from these apologizes, I’ve received some negative feed-back about this humor column.   It makes me want to quote Rodney King, “Ow, ow, ouch, ouch, ow.”   My feelings would be hurt it weren’t for all of the positive feed-back I’ve also received.  

             Martha Chavez even wrote me and said I was Round Rock’s own John Kelso.   I think this was a compliment.  

             I’ve also received a lot of, “I love your columns” and “I look forward to reading your columns.”   

             I did have one fellow tell me that he thought only about half of my columns were funny.   I didn’t point out to him that half of my columns were supposed to be funny and the other half, the human service columns, were supposed to be serious.  

             Marcial Guajardo called me a couple of months ago to ask me some questions about a story he was writing.   He ended the conversation with, “By the way Dave, I read every one of your columns and really enjoy them.”  

             Wow!   I was flattered.   Not being smart enough to leave well enough alone I had to ask him, “Really, what do you like best about my columns?”  

            “I like that I don’t have to make very many changes.” he replied.  

            “What! Are you my copy editor?   You read every one of my columns because you have to and what you really like is that my grammar is correct?”  

            “Yeah,” he said, “And sometimes I really think you’re funny.”  

              Well, this wasn’t as big a compliment as I first thought it was, but I’ll take it anyway.   Besides, he doesn’t know that my wife proof reads every column before I submit it.   It’s not my good grammar, it’s her good grammar.

             Thanks to all of you who have said nice things and enjoy this column, and to those of you who I may have offended, hit it Brenda, I’m sorry, so sorry, please accept my apologies, I was a fool, and I was too blind to see.

This article originally appeared in the Round Rock Leader.   It has since been modified and is available for your publication.