My first Jewish wedding, what a hoot!

                                                                                 By Dave Hamby

              I intensely dislike flying.  I would go so far as to say I hate flying, but my oldest daughter declared hate a profane word some years ago and asked me to delete it from my vocabulary. (Don’t you just hate it when your kids do that to you?)

              I also intensely dislike going to wedding almost as much as I intensely dislike going to funerals.  I know that’s a tough comparison, but at least at a funeral you don’t have to stand in line afterwards to kiss the deceased and wish them a happy death.

              With this attitude of mine you can imagine the challenge my wife faced getting me in an airplane to go to New Jersey to our niece’s wedding.  Since going to divorce court is something I intensely dislike even more than flying and weddings, I went.

              The flight wasn’t nearly as bad as I feared it would be.  I have to grudgingly admit that none of the security folks or airline folks were as rude as I remember them being in my past experiences.   (It’s funny how almost going out of business made them more considerate.)  While they treated me as though I was in of a herd of cattle, at least they did so politely.

              We arrived in Newark on time, (surprise!) and went straight to the rehearsal dinner.  Grandpa, Aunt Gertie, My wife’s sister Donna and her husband Laurel were all waiting for us at this really big Lebanese Restaurant along with a couple of hundred members of the grooms family.  

              The food was really good and the highlight of the evening was when a busboy slipped on a water spill while he was carrying a three foot tall stack of dishes.   He did some really neat break-dancing moves and ended up flat on his back without losing a single dish.   I applauded his dexterity and got a bunch of disapproving looks from everyone for my show of appreciation.

              The next day we attended the first Jewish wedding I’ve ever been to.  The presiding Rabbi looked like George Carlin and sounded like Henry Youngman.   Instead of spending all his time telling everyone how serious an affair marriage is, (like what I’ve heard in most of the Christian and Civil weddings I’ve attended,) he took this opportunity to dispense a little good advice.  In his own words, “In order to enhance your chances of having a long and successful marriage.”  

              He went on to talk about how every marriage has its ups and downs and how you should not hold any disappointments you have against your spouse.  “In fact,” he told us, “There has only been one perfect marriage in the history of man and that was between Adam and Eve.  Adam didn’t have to listen to Eve tell him about all the guys she could have married, and Eve didn’t have to listen Adam go on about how good his mothers cooking was.”  I wasn't the only one there who thought this was really funny.

              After the wedding we had 5 ½ hours of dancing, drinking and eating.  These folks really know how to party.  

               The Yora started things off (that dance you’ve seen on TV where everyone links their arms and dances in a big circle,) and got everyone involved.  No one felt awkward about getting on the dance floor, at least not after the first hour.  Even Aunt Gertie ended up cutting the rug with one of the groomsmen.  Considering she’s less than five foot tall and weighs around 80 pounds and her dance partner weighed over 200 pounds, they made quite a sight.

              I’ve got to admit I really had a good time and I need to rethink my dislike for weddings.  I even spotted Grandpa dancing with the groom’s grandmother.  

             Who knows, maybe there’s another Jewish wedding in my future.

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